As the girl who introduced myself to my coworkers as an “astrology queer,” I feel obligated to explain my obsession. Zodiac signs aren’t just for fun internet memes (although they are definitely good for that, too), they’re flexible cosmic blueprints. Think of them as labeled boxes in the stars to help you figure out the different facets of your personality and what makes you tick. And nothing says “tick” quite like a vibrator. Like each Zodiac sign, vibrators cast a wide and varied net of qualities that cater to different needs (clitoral stimulation, G-spot, discreet — there’s a vibrator out there for everything). In order to help you make your next divine purchase and tap into unlocking that next-level self-pleasure, we have scoured the web to find vibrators of all kinds to best fit your astrological sign. I’m pretty sure this is what the Babylonians imagined us doing with their calendar, right?